"Hey! Quit pushing!"
"You pushed me!"
"I wanna see too!"
The three ghost children crowded close to the toy store window. It was late night. All was dark and still.
"Let's go in."
They entered the store via the window. Tony started up the display train. Betsy found a family of stuffed rabbits. Jerry set up an army invasion.
As Jerry was about to begin his epic battle of good and evil, he paused. He sat back and stared at the little army men lined up to destroy the enemy. He shook his head and fired the canons. "Blam! We need reinforcements! Bang! Bang! Gah! I've been shot! I'm..." His voice trailed off. He picked up one of the army men and stared at it for a long time.
The train passed before Tony's face. He was staring off into nothing. Faint echos of a train whistle resound in his ears, followed by the sounds of people talking quietly amongst themselves, babies crying, and a man's voice. "Everyone raise your hands where I can see them!" A gunshot. The rattle of the rails.
Betsy played happily with her little rabbit family. They dressed up, had tea and gathered berries in the woods. One of the baby rabbits got sick. It couldn't get out of bed for a long time. Why did it hurt so? Why was it too weak to get out of bed? "You're dying," whispered Betsy.
The ghosts sat there, numb to everything around them. Death is a terrible thing to happen to someone who doesn't understand it. They were children. No one told them about death. When someone died they were simply told that they had gone to another place. Tony thought that meant Texas. Besty assumed it was India. Jerry wondered if it was Fiji.
It was none of these places. It was somewhere else. They hadn't even realized they were dead. Death was something that happened to other people. What were they supposed to do? Haunt toy stores for the rest of eternity?
Betsy cried. Tony sniffed and wiped his nose. Jerry quietly put away his toys and joined the other two. "I want to go home." The others nodded. They left the store.
"Where is home?" asked Tony.
"I don't know," said Jerry.
"Well, wherever is, we'll find it," said Betsy.
The three ghost children took each others' hands, set their jaws, and began the long search for home.
Elizabeth Williamson Copyright © 2009
6 comments:
A little too short. At least someone's making posts again. Still trying to come up with something I can use.
too short eh? is something missing?
A bitter-sweet piece. I'm torn about whether to say, "Awww, cute!" or cry myself to sleep. Not sure what emotion you were trying to stir in the reader, as for me, I'm conflicted.
Personal preference but I'd like to not know that they were ghosts until the end of the story. Did you mean to make this a longer story eventually-- fill in the gaps later?
When you said, they went into the store through the window, I imagined that they lifted the sash and climbed in. I think you meant that they "glided through" the window.
Right?
I'd almost like to have a moment where they first enter the store (or look through the window) and stare in awe at ALL THE TOYS! I'd like to see the store through their eyes... then of course they select their favorites. Just a suggestion.
You mention that nobody told them about death, but then you change your mind and say, "When someone died they were simply told that they had gone to another place." This is confusing to my feeble mind. They must know they're dead without fully understanding the implications. Betsy cried, Tony sniffed, Jerry joined the others. They must know something of their predicament.
My other question is, if someone told them they go to another place, where is that person/angel now? Bad guardian! Bad! Why didn't they explain about death? Who are their guardians now? What circumstance left them alone and afraid?
I'm going to go cry myself to sleep now, but not until after I've said, "Awww, cute!"
A really nice piece, I especially like your description of the kids playing with the toys.
Sorry my comments posted twice, and frankly once is enough.
bitter sweet is what i was going for. thanks for the suggestions. i will see what i can do.
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