Copyright © 2010
by Andrew Chandler
A few drops of rain slid down the sleek black rain coat and dropped to the pavement. The man was unperturbed that he was drenched in rain, because he was determined, determined to find him. He spotted another man running toward him; he had a gun. Gunfire resounded around them, the man standing in the rain doubled over and held his gut.
“Oh thank goodness, I thought someone else might have gotten you before I did,” the man with the gun said, helping the other man to his feet.
“I know,” he said “Okay tell me everything.”
“K,” said the other, pocketing his fake gun “all I know is that Cobra is making something BIG, a super weapon, bigger than an H-Bomb it's kind of like a laser cannon, first thing he is going to do is blackmail the governments of the world. When he gets his money he’s gonna take them out, and anyone who tries to start over at a government. Hey, remember before he turned how he always talked about a free world?”
“Yes, I remember. Of course I remember,” and he pulled back his hood, and a real gun.
“Cobra?” the other said in astonishment “Where's Robby?”
Cobra sneered, “He got away, but you are not so lucky.” He pulled the trigger.
4 comments:
"When he gets his money he’s gonna take them out, and anyone who tries to start over at a government."
The second half of that doesn't make sense.
I love the reversal. As you know I'm a big fan of 'Twilight Zone' endings... reversals play into that. Great work!
Your dialogue could use a little work, but you do well with descriptions and action (something I need to work on myself). A little more character insight might be good.
good-o kid. a fun little short that could easily become long. your dad and eric made the necessary comments.
What a treat it is to see you are taking after your father and writting.
I will have to follow more often. That way I can follow your work.
-Hugz - Aunt Alisa (in Maryland)
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