This is something I wrote last year and haven't looked at it since so it's a little rough and disjointed. I couldn't think of a title so I am just going to put it out there.
* * * * *
"What to do?" said the cat with a grin
Anything but what should have been
Cleaning his fur
With the hum of a purr
Then a cough to clear the ball within.
Procrastinate doing lifes chores
The cat so delftly showed
Can leave us without
Experiences left out
While the world so swiftly flies by.
What to do, the question asked
Things left undone, can't reach the past.
With lessons learned
Rewards are earned
Before the time to collect is gone.
Brynn Woolf Copyright © 2008
8 comments:
Interesting... however, I have a hard time understanding what the "theme" of this poem is supposed to be... what the message is supposed to be to the audience? Can you tell me the message you are trying to send to the readers through your poem?
ha1 i love it. maybe because it's paralleling a cat. i love cats. anyway the first and third stanzas are great. but there is something about the 2nd that just doesn't jive. i'll look at it some more later.
maybe it's the harsh sounds of out and without. the rest of the poem is soft and lazy but out and without wake one up. i have no idea what would work instead. but you may not need anything. it might just be me.
I don't think it's just you... something doesn't seem right to me either, but I can't put my finger on it. That's why I asked about the message of the poem. Knowing the message would help me give me better feedback.
procrastination is like a lazy cat. as the cat sits grooming or sleeping we sit twiddling our thumbs or doing whatever else to avoid doing whatever we are supposed to do. it's a parallel between cats and procrastination. am i right woolf? if i'm way off correct me
ME: your not off base. i was trying to make that parrallel.
i didn't have a particular audience or anything that i was trying to reach. originally i couldn't get that first sentence out of my head and the rest just followed.
should i just take the second stanza out completely?
ha! i love it when i get something that writes itself. i think the second stanza is good. it just needs tweaking. purr and fur and earned and learned are all soft soothing sounding words. it lulls one into the lazy cat. but out and without startles one into wakefulness. although that could be the whole point... try words like gone or want or longing... something with a soft sound
What I gather from it, is that you're saying don't be like the cat, and throw your time away, or leave things undone.
Though I can't figure out what we're 'collecting' when time gone. There doesn't seem to be a reference to that.
A very clever piece of work. I don't always 'get' poetry. Yours was at first a little over my head, but upon 2nd and 3rd reading, it became fairly clear. Good message too.
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