Grant was frantic with anger, betrayal, and fear. ‘If he touched her. . . I’ll kill him.’ He thought mercilessly as he turned on the siren and maneuvered around traffic in his black Ford Police car. So many thoughts assaulted his already racing mind. So many unanswered questions. But there was only one that really mattered to Grant at this moment. ‘Did that creep hurt his baby girl.’
The “creep” was Grants partner and best friend, Mac Billings. Less than 24 hours ago Grant and Mac were closing in on a child pornography ring. They were just missing one piece of the puzzle. Grant just couldn’t believe that Mac was that missing piece. In fact if it wasn’t for the proof in his pocket he still wouldn’t believe that his best friend could be involved in something so vile. But what was truly the cause of Grants fear was that it wasn’t just Grant and Mac who were friends. Their 5 year old daughters were inseparable. Grant couldn’t count the times that his baby girl slept over at that “creep’s” house. His stomache twisted and he sped even faster.
He was just about to turn onto Mac’s street, his anger and fear was quickly turning into an adrenaline pumped rage. He radioed the station. “Send back up to 55 Elm Road. . . I’ve just killed a man.”
Grant burst into Mac’s house with gun in hand.
“Hello, who’s there?” Mac called from the Kitchen. Grant followed the voice calmly. Mac was at the island counter chopping a tomato when he saw Grant and his gun pointed at him. “Grant?” Mac said puzzled by the sudden arrival of his friend with gun pointed in his direction. Then he half smiled. “Ha. Ha. Your hilarious.” Mac snickered at the joke.
Mac didn‘t laugh. “If you touched my baby girl. . . If you laid one finger on her. . . Or took any kind of picture. . . I swear to God I will kill you. Now tell me, Mac, did you take pictures of my baby?” Grant said seething.
This absolutely shocked Mac. “What the hell are you talking about?” Mac replied now with terror and confusion in his voice.
“You know damn well what I am talking about.” Grant yelled as he slid a picture across the counter to Mac. Mac picked it up and stared at it for a moment before realizing it was a picture of his daughter Maddie in a seductive pose in his own house.
“No. . .no. . .no.” Mac said just above a whisper. He just kept staring at it. He crumpled it in his hand as tightly as he could. Then suddenly he started walking toward Grant with his tomato knife still in hand.
“Mac, stop or I’ll shoot.” Mac just kept walking not afraid of Grant’s threat. He walked quickly past Grant into a hallway, pleading under his breath ‘no, please, dear God, no.’ Grant’s anger turned to confusion so he put his gun down to his side and followed Mac. Mac went into a bedroom. The room was covered with posters of sports stars, punk rock bands, and glistening bikinied girls. Grant quickly realized that it was Mac’s 14 year old son’s room. Mac started to tear apart his son’s room. No words needed to be said Grant understood and started to help look for the rest of the pictures.
Though the room had been far from clean it now looked like a robbery gone bad. Just as Mac was about to give up spot on the wall in the closet. He stabbed it with his knife and tore a hole into the wall. Dozen’s of pictures came falling out. Mac didn’t even look at them he just went and sat on his son’s bed. Grant slowly let out a deep breath. He put his hand on his friends shoulder then went to the pictures. He gathered all of them into his shaking hands. He was frightened to see the truth. But he had to know. Grant looked through them one by one ignoring the depravity of the content. He just looked at faces. Tears stung his eyes seeing picture after picture of his friends daughter but no sign of his own. His heart was too heavy to be relieved. Mac just sat on the edge of the bed motionless, clearly stunned by the last 23 minutes. Then in very slow movements Mac uncovered a baseball mitt on the floor. He picked it up and just stared at it. Grant sat next to Mac. He didn’t know what to say. What do you say to someone who has lost both their children?
JB 2008
The “creep” was Grants partner and best friend, Mac Billings. Less than 24 hours ago Grant and Mac were closing in on a child pornography ring. They were just missing one piece of the puzzle. Grant just couldn’t believe that Mac was that missing piece. In fact if it wasn’t for the proof in his pocket he still wouldn’t believe that his best friend could be involved in something so vile. But what was truly the cause of Grants fear was that it wasn’t just Grant and Mac who were friends. Their 5 year old daughters were inseparable. Grant couldn’t count the times that his baby girl slept over at that “creep’s” house. His stomache twisted and he sped even faster.
He was just about to turn onto Mac’s street, his anger and fear was quickly turning into an adrenaline pumped rage. He radioed the station. “Send back up to 55 Elm Road. . . I’ve just killed a man.”
Grant burst into Mac’s house with gun in hand.
“Hello, who’s there?” Mac called from the Kitchen. Grant followed the voice calmly. Mac was at the island counter chopping a tomato when he saw Grant and his gun pointed at him. “Grant?” Mac said puzzled by the sudden arrival of his friend with gun pointed in his direction. Then he half smiled. “Ha. Ha. Your hilarious.” Mac snickered at the joke.
Mac didn‘t laugh. “If you touched my baby girl. . . If you laid one finger on her. . . Or took any kind of picture. . . I swear to God I will kill you. Now tell me, Mac, did you take pictures of my baby?” Grant said seething.
This absolutely shocked Mac. “What the hell are you talking about?” Mac replied now with terror and confusion in his voice.
“You know damn well what I am talking about.” Grant yelled as he slid a picture across the counter to Mac. Mac picked it up and stared at it for a moment before realizing it was a picture of his daughter Maddie in a seductive pose in his own house.
“No. . .no. . .no.” Mac said just above a whisper. He just kept staring at it. He crumpled it in his hand as tightly as he could. Then suddenly he started walking toward Grant with his tomato knife still in hand.
“Mac, stop or I’ll shoot.” Mac just kept walking not afraid of Grant’s threat. He walked quickly past Grant into a hallway, pleading under his breath ‘no, please, dear God, no.’ Grant’s anger turned to confusion so he put his gun down to his side and followed Mac. Mac went into a bedroom. The room was covered with posters of sports stars, punk rock bands, and glistening bikinied girls. Grant quickly realized that it was Mac’s 14 year old son’s room. Mac started to tear apart his son’s room. No words needed to be said Grant understood and started to help look for the rest of the pictures.
Though the room had been far from clean it now looked like a robbery gone bad. Just as Mac was about to give up spot on the wall in the closet. He stabbed it with his knife and tore a hole into the wall. Dozen’s of pictures came falling out. Mac didn’t even look at them he just went and sat on his son’s bed. Grant slowly let out a deep breath. He put his hand on his friends shoulder then went to the pictures. He gathered all of them into his shaking hands. He was frightened to see the truth. But he had to know. Grant looked through them one by one ignoring the depravity of the content. He just looked at faces. Tears stung his eyes seeing picture after picture of his friends daughter but no sign of his own. His heart was too heavy to be relieved. Mac just sat on the edge of the bed motionless, clearly stunned by the last 23 minutes. Then in very slow movements Mac uncovered a baseball mitt on the floor. He picked it up and just stared at it. Grant sat next to Mac. He didn’t know what to say. What do you say to someone who has lost both their children?
JB 2008
7 comments:
"‘Did that creep hurt his baby girl.’" -- change . to ?
"Grants partner" -- grant's it's possessive not plural
"Grants fear" -- grant's
"“Ha. Ha. Your hilarious.” Mac snickered at the joke." -- you are = you're. this is all one sentence comma after hilarious instead of period
"“You know damn well what I am talking about.” Grant yelled" -- again one sentence comma after about
"a picture of his daughter Maddie" -- who's daughter?
"“No. . .no. . .no.” Mac said" -- comma after that last no
disturbing. but i don't know how this topic can not be. you expressed the rage and confusion well.
You weren't kidding about the "Drama" topic were you?
Ironic that just as I read the conclusion of your story my iTunes began playing one of my favorite songs, "Race You To The Top of the Morning" from Secret Garden (Broadway Musical). It's a song about the love a man feels for his bed-ridden son. Makes me cry every time. The contrast between these two mental images was jarring.
A very dark drama indeed. The twist in the plot is both disturbing, and smartly played out. My mind went in several directions when the partner laughed, thinking the gun pointing at him was a joke. I thought he might be innocent, or he might be bluffing too, so which was it? Made me want to keep reading. I didn't suspect another member of the family being involved. A repulsive idea. Though I know it happens.
You're very good at creating an emotionally charged atmosphere. This is an intense Roller Coaster ride.
A suggestion:
"So many thoughts assaulted his already racing mind. So many unanswered questions."
Can this be condensed into one sentence?
Technically, I liked your story a lot. On an emotional level, I struggled. That's no reflection on your writing style, Jana, it's a really strong piece.
one more question... at the end... lost 2 children? were they dead? i don't get it
I just wanted to apologize profusely first for the language I used in this story - it was very rude of me. And second for disturbing anyone. I can see now that I shouldn't have posted something so dark. Or I should have at least prefaced it with a warning so you had a choice whether to be disturbed or not. I am so, so sorry. I guess I've desensitized myself too much with too many TV crime dramas.
No the kids are not 'lost' physically but figuratively. I was just trying to elude to the fact that Mac had basically lost the way his kids used to be. That from then on his family wouldn't ever be the same.
no. no. it was a good story. you expressed it well. you are free to write anything you want. i enjoyed reading it. the topic was disturbing. but that doesn't change the fact that it was a good story. and i think you wrote it well
I got the 'lost' idea.... that life would forever be different for all of them. Makes sense, though it is very sad.
Apology accepted Jana. No worries!
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