WOOSH
What the...?
What is that?!
It's smaller than a planet, but a planet doesn't move that fast. I have to check this out. It's Hollow. Ah, a window... I think. It's shut. Hmm...
Woa! This air makes me dizzy. There's stuff in it. Slow down. Take slow deep breaths. Adjust. Take in the oxygen. Ok. I'm fine.
Now for some exploring. Where does the warmth come from? A hole in the ceiling. I wonder where it goes...
What's that? It's a person!
"You're not part of the crew."
"Crew?"
"How did you get here?"
"Through the wall."
"The..."
"What's that?"
"Captain! We have a stowaway!"
"Who are you talking to? What's a stowaway?"
"It's a lady, Sir."
Where is that voice coming from?
"Come with me."
"Where are we going?"
"To the Captain."
"What's a Captain?"
"Don't be stupid."
Stupid about what? What is he talking about? I don't understand people. I guess Father is right.
Little room. I don't like the feel of my feet pressing into the floor. That's better.
Little room. I don't like the feel of my feet pressing into the floor. That's better.
"What?"
"Your feet aren't touching the floor!"
"So? The door's open. Do we go through?"
"..."
Why isn't he moving? I'll just push him. Oops. Too hard.
"Are you alright?"
"Yeah, I'm fine. Er... follow me."
He's so awkward. His feet hit the floor rather hard. He should stop turning to look at me. He bumps into a wall every time. Maybe if I walked beside him.
No. That's worse. I'd go in front of him if I knew where he was going.
"In here."
Table. Chairs. Nothing of interest here.
"Captain," why is his arm up like that? "This is the stowaway, Sir."
Oh, his name is Captain.
"What is your name?"
"Rachel."
"Why are you on my ship?"
"Ship? Oh! Is that what this is? I was just working, when it sped by. I wanted to know what it was. What does it do?"
"It travels through space to many different planets."
"Oh. Why?"
"Because we want to learn about other worlds."
"But, why the ship? Why not go without it."
Why is he laughing?
"That's impossible. We have to travel in something. We can't just go through space like it was air."
That's hard for me to imagine. I've always been able to go wherever I want. No bounadries. People really are different. Father is right.
"May I stay on this ship?"
"You have a choice?"
"I can leave if you want, but I would like to stay and learn about you."
"Leave where? Space? You'd die!"
"That would be impossible. May I stay?"
"What can you do?"
"Many things."
"Let me rephrase. What can you do that would benefit the crew and the ship?"
"What would be of use?"
"Our doctor is in need of a nurse. Do you know anything about healing people?"
"I know the anatomy of a person, and how it is supposed to function. As for the healing, I have never tried, but I am confident in my capabilities."
"Jacobs."
"Yes, Sir."
"Escort Rachel to Medical."
"Yes, Sir."
I wonder what medical is.
*Dr. Jones, I am sending Jacobs down with a lady I want you to examine.*
Elizabeth Williamson Copyright © 2008
3 comments:
i like to experiment with my writing. as you can see this is purely thought process and dialogue. hope it doesn't make you crazy
Interesting experiment, unexpected.
Without the details (what the ship looks like, what she sees, ect.), and he said/she saids it reads like an A,B,C book, or a really interesting shopping list. I found myself speed reading-- though I'm not sure why I did that. Must be a psychological reason.
I was intrigued from the start, and was really pleased with the end, really funny!
All around great idea!
I like the inner working of the format of your choice of story line.
That said, wow! I feel like someone tried to scrub my brain...
Concerns-
The character stated -"that would be lazy"? to use black holes.... I'm confused.
How does the character know the other ship is metallic and hollow?
The stuff in the air - what is it? pollen/ dust/ chemicals?
Why would the character take a deep breath of this stuff in the air and feel ok -? yuck!!
Overall I didn't like this experiment. It was a difficult
ADHD moment for me.
That being said - I think you have a great sense of who your character is and how to present an interesting plot quickly.
I would have liked to read this in your traditional writting.
Call me crazy - Alisa :*
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